First official meeting with the newcomers today & it was upsetting. Though all went well in the beginning and i managed to try to ignore the pain in my mouth, as i presented the slides to them, because the wire of my braces was poking my mouth and it hurts like, alot.
Our tradition of having "lo hei" to celebrate CNY as a club today was upsetting. Perhaps today is the most unhappy CNY celebration to me. It wasn't well planned and took a long while to prepare the stuffs and etc. anyways many hiccups happened and she was really angry that made me felt so afraid. Upon being reprimanded by her with the other sec 3s and 4s, i was too ashamed of myself that i dared not look into her eyes but just look down the floor.
What she said was right, and this time round, its the Sec 4s responsibility for this mistake. no, but i think that its my fault. its my negligance that i did not brief the sec 3s what exactly to get and prepare. I took it for granted that they would know what to do because last year, the sec 4s told us, the sec 3s, to prepare everything as well. and i thought that its supposed to be the job of the sec 3s. hence this time round, i did not involve much and passed it all to them. I know that all of them put in much effort for it and i appreciated it loads. Its not their fault that things weren't as smooth for they were not experienced.
I was utterly disappointed with myself as i failed to do my duties well. and i really am. Could not manage to hold back my tears as i felt that i've not done my job well. i cried not because we were being scolded, but the fact that i let her down, let the cca down, and let myself down as well. Words just cant describe how i felt then and even now.
i realised that its not that simple as i thought to be the ceo of this cca. Perhaps it was wrong in the first place to think that i could manage it and accepted the role. I suddenly felt that i was not cut out to take over this position and i even suspected my own capabilities that i wanted to resign from this post.
As compared to how yuexi was when she was the ceo, i could clearly see all my flaws and i highly doubted my abilities. She really is a role model for me to learn from as i felt that she has done a very good job when she was in charge. But its alright, for people learn from their mistakes and gain experience from it. Though i would be stepping down real soon, by the end of term 1, i really hope that i can put in my utmost efforts for this cca which i love alot.
Really sorry and millions of thanks to those who saw me tearing. Appreciated all your concerns and jokes loads ((: anyway, felt thankful to jie too for not questioning me when she saw me crying in silent on the car. She actually thought i was too touched for something or what. But nonetheless, thanks for allowing me to have that quiet time alone to let myself reflect upon everything and calm myself down :]
Till now, i still dont have the mood to study and i have 2 tests tmr. Though i read through and practised questions for both emaths and chem already, but i have not studied again for today. :X I seem to not have spoken more than 10 lines since i reached home and i suddenly feel so quiet. haha, not the usual me. Today has been such a long day and im so tired. It makes it worse to realise that lessons are till 4.15 tmr and i've not studied, and its 11pm plus ://
In conclusion, i feel the need to apologise to the sec 3s and 4s and Ms Tan. Sorry for my imcompetency and sorry for causing ur to be scolded as well. I sincerely hope that things would improve and such situations would not happen again. & of course i hope that the newcomers would still have faith and trust in this cca and everyone of us.
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