life's bleak now, hopefully not from tmr onwards

seriously, its probably one of my dullest times in life. yes even though I managed to achieve a perfect score, but so what? that was not enough for me to get into a course which I had always wanted since I was a child. Despite docs telling me how tough it would be, I eventually decided to go ahead and strive to get into the course. But this is life, things don't always go the way we want them to. Thinking back, I admit it was really folly on my side that I felt that Med was everything and the ONLY course I wanted to do. Nothing else seemed fascinating nor interesting enough. Placing all eggs into one basket, thats the biggest mistake of my life. I really really really regret not being kiasu and just apply for other courses in other unis as well, maybe just for fun at least. But all's too late to regret now and I can only just accept it. Although nus offered me a scholarship to study science, but science? what can i do after obtaining a science degree? maybe most likely having to pursue further studies till a phd and do research work, or be a teacher? At one point of time, i did consider just accepting what im given because that seems the easiest way out.

But after meeting ambrose and talking to uncles and aunties, I realise I dont want to study life sciences anymore. I dont want to study one entire module just on whats inside the already small mitochondria. Like what ambrose said, whats the point of studying so in depth of something so small????! well unless you have interest in really understanding the biology of everything and wants to do in depth research. furthermore, many of his friends and including himself, dont do anything related after getting a science degree. so in short its pretty useless.

Every day and night, I would be thinking to myself what i wanna do, after recovering from the utterly upset and disappointed stage when I found out i was rejected by med. But after thinking through, it could be a relief to myself instead because I know that I wouldnt have to be bonded to hospitals for 5 years and have no life (like what i hear from other docs). Maybe its just a way to comfort myself and make me feel better.

whatever it is, i have come to the point where i have to make a decision which is extremely impt because it probably decides what path I would take in my next 20 years? haha not so serious, but yeah it decides my direction in life basically. its too late to look back, but its alright cause i shall not and i should just look forward and ahead. there are a myriad of opportunities out there which i haven explored. Being kinda lost in my direction now, I am actually very open to my options and courses to study because I just want to study something which would not limit my career options in future but give myself the chance to find whats right for myself.

yep maybe I should just appeal for med, since thats what i really wanted before. Shall just treat it as a last chance to try. Otherwise I would just erase the whole idea of medicine. Upon hearing opinions from uncle eugene, royston gor gor, aunt sharon and sandra, I feel a little convinced that maybe i should study business because its really a useful degree which would not be hard to get a job with. I know that I myself have already become very lost in my directions which thus resulted in this hesitation of what to do next. I wanted to hear opinions from them not only because they are experienced, but actually I just needed someone to assure me that things would be fine if I do this or that. It seems so much pressure that I have to make this critical decision myself because I feel so inexperienced in everything and have no idea what I want to do in life.

Im really very thankful to them showing so much concern for me, making me feel that its alright, Im not alone. The idea of going overseas to study may seem really attractive, but eventually it all boils down to the issue of money. I know its impossible to go overseas without a scholarship and I wouldnt want to either because I dont want to go and come back with a huge debt on my shoulders. it would be too much a burden for me to bear, and neither would i want to increase my parents' burden too.

No matter what course I would study eventually, its all God's will which I have no power to defy. I just hope that the course would go well and most importantly, it would allow me to get a stable job and 'bring the dough home', as quoted from aunt sharon.

who knows, maybe a miracle (which i dont know what) might happen tmr and remove all my troubles. Then maybe life wouldn't seem so bleak anymore. Life's meant to be happy anyway! Gotta make full use of my time and do things which I really want to :)

6th Jan 2011 - IB results day!

Till now, I can still remember that faithful day so clearly because it was the day which proved that all our hard work and efforts put in did not go down the drain. 6th Jan 2011, probably one of the happiest day in my life :)

Was working at Starhub call centre and it so happens that 6th Jan was my off day so I didnt have have to find someone else to swop off day with :) shixuan, ruyi, kris and I arranged to meet for Macs breakfast at KAP before going to school to get our results but kris and i were late lol. Cause I bought my food at the time when they were going to switch to lunch menu, they had no more hashbrowns so I had a mix of lunch and breakfast (hotcakes + french fries) haha so weird. I still remember all of us were so worried and had no idea what to expect. Then we went to cold storage to buy glue cause shixuan needed to glue her shoes!

We cabbed to school and by then, we were really all already having butterflies in our stomachs ): It felt like it was just not too long ago when we collected our O's results in Crescent and now we're about to collect back our IB results. Since 15 Nov 2010 (my last day of IB exams), I have really put IB and exams to the back of my mind and didn't really want to think about my results. I just wanted to have fun while I can before having to think about how I actually did. Went Phuket for class trip, went prom shopping, had prom night, stayover at nic's house, went for cruise trip, went shopping with diff pple, went for job interviews, actually worked at Starhub, went out with colleagues etc. And in a blink of eye, 6th Jan have arrived. The day which everyone was counting down to :/

Honestly I was really afraid that I wouldn't get 40 and above, seeing that my prelims was only 37 with bonus points. & i really wrote my econs essay wrongly. I mentally prepared myself for the worst and would be really really glad if i could get a 42! somehow, thinking of getting 43 or 44 would already be a miracle and dream come true, let alone 45.

On that day, while walking up the spiral stairs to audi 2, I saw michael's and jiaren's msg saying that Mr GTG would like to see me and asked me where I was. It was quite scary because I didnt know what to expect. We walked into the Audi and I saw Mr Goh, and he actually congratulated me. He was really smiling so widely and I just rmb him saying "Solid!" hahah then he refused to say anything more. I felt a leap of joy since he congratulated me, meaning that I probably wouldn't do too badly. but then again, it was really hard to believe because I don't have that much faith in myself.

I dared not expect for too much, for fear I would feel disappointed and also cause I knew that the times just before IB exams were really bad for me. Besides having to focus and catch up on my work/revision for exams, I was pretty much distracted for the wrong reasons. Everything was in such a wrong timing and I felt hurt. Thinking back, I really thank God for making me strong and always being with me. He knew every thoughts of me, and how I felt, but He guided me and gave me perseverance to focus on my exams. It really took me quite awhile to recover, at least 2 months, since 16th Oct 2010. The hardest period of time was from then till 2nd Nov, when I had to be in intense mugging mode to prepare for my exams. I felt the stress yet sometimes, I cannot help it but kept thinking of the past. It was difficult to forget, cause I would think of it whenever I'm alone. It was really tough.

Thankfully, I had the support of my dear friends + classmates cause we studied together which made me feel that im not alone on this journey. I won't forget the times studied with ruyi/kris/shixuan at the SAC, library or study rooms! :) There are times when we get so sian and we would just go and sit at the fountain and talk hahah. oh & we were making so much noise in the library room we booked! I'm really glad to have them with me throughout these 2 years, always there to lend a listening ear and give advices! hahaha. & lucky I have kris with me, otherwise I probably won't have the courage to join band and have so much fun!

Of course, I'm also very thankful to be in my class because I feel that my class is just awesome :) not only are the people nice, we're fun and we all work hard together, showing others we can do it! There's constant encouragement from one another not to give up, having class prayers before sitting for every papers we had and everyone's willing to help one another :D It indeed is a class effort that our class msg was ranked amongst the top 3! :))

Very imptly, we all also have our great teachers to thank! without all their patience and efforts put in for us, we would never be able to do so well.

Really thankful to Mr Chooi because he's so dedicated to teaching which makes me feel that I must really work hard for Chem for him. I rmb that he wanted to have extra lessons for the class to help us in our weaker topics, and at that time because of FOA, my IOC was pushed back, much later than rest of the class. But knowing that I was weak in Chem (cause i did so badly for mid-years), he decided to start the extra lessons later so that I could first focus on my IOC yet would not miss out on the remedial lessons. At that time I really felt that he's doing so much to help us, all the more we have to do well to thank him! Although sir's jokes are sometimes not funny hahaha, but i'm sure we all really appreciate him for his efforts!!! He also help to compile past year IB qn for us to practice and he's always willing to help when we need some consultations with him. Thank you Mr Chooi! (:

Another teacher who spent 2 years with us is Mdm Tay! Haha I wont forget her constant nagging at the class to submit all our IAs cause she would always read out the names of the people who owes her IAs lol. She's really a very nice and patient teacher to us, and also very motherly :) She cares for us so much that sometimes I feel that she is more worried for our IAs than we ourselves are! On our last day of school, Mdm even treated us to nasi lemak! :D On the release of results day, I went to speak to her and even gave her a hug!!! She was really so excited and happy for all of us because she was so surprised that our class did so well for bio!!! So glad that her hard work on us paid off hahaha :)

Mr Azmi trained us so much with making good use of our GDC! He also offers extra lessons if we need help from him :D sometimes he would also bring us to the math lab to have a change of environment since we're always having lessons in our class! surprisingly mr goh also emailed us before our last math p3 to send us practice qn to help (:

There are really so many teachers to thank, for without their help, our cohort wouldn't have done so well :D

Last but not least, all glory should be honoured to God, for He is the one who helped us all stay strong and persevere :D Thanks be to God! ^^